Caring for Yourself in Transition
With the fall upon us, many folks have mixed emotions about the change of season. It delivers both excitement and newness as kids go back to school, leaves change color and the weather (and daylight) begin to shift. With this, the change of season can also be an omen of stressors to come, be it impending holiday madness, cool temperatures or seasonal depression. The fact of the matter is we are always going through changes, some just happen more abruptly than others. Just like in nature, the circumstances of your life will always be changing. Time marches on, you continue to age and relationships come and go. Here’s the thing: in nature, adaptation has always meant survival. In the long run, it is not the smartest, fastest or strongest organisms that survive, but the ones that are most adaptable. Transitions are hard and you can choose to meet transitions with openness and grace.
Check your resistance. The antidote to resistance is the practice of acceptance. Acceptance doesn’t always mean liking a situation or endorsing something, but simply allowing it to be as it is. A strong body of research suggests that radical acceptance can reduce suffering. Pay attention to the content and quality of your thoughts, because where your thoughts go your energy will follow. If your thoughts are stuck in the past or ruminating on the discomfort of the change, the quality of your energy will be heavy and “stuck” as well. If your thoughts are accepting and allowing, the quality of your energy will be light and fluid. When we resist, we use up precious energy that can be used for more productive things. Radical acceptance tells us that right now, everything is exactly as it should be. Yearning or wishing for things to be other than exactly how they are creates distress and interestingly enough, doesn’t change your situation any bit at all. Replace resistant thoughts with something simple like “I accept today exactly as it is.”
Feel through it. Work to avoid common distractions during periods of change. Think about the ways you usually engage in distracting yourself; alcohol, drugs, food, technology or shopping are common choices. These things, when used to avoid uncomfortable feelings, just prolong working through discomfort and create more issues (hangovers, emotional emptiness, debt!) and can even develop into a behavioral or process addiction. It is a common desire to escape the uncomfortable feelings that come along with change but important to remember that no feeling is final. Like waves in the ocean, feelings both comfortable and uncomfortable wash over and then eventually head back out to sea.
Keep an open mind. Remain curious about your experience without closing off or imposing mental boundaries or expectations. Stay present to what is. Often times we impose mental limits on situations by using the comparisons “this is better” or “this is worse.” If you catch yourself comparing or feeling like you must label the situation, replace your better/worse mental chatter with something neutral like “this is different.” Someone dear in my life caught me comparing the present to the past and said “well, I know it is not the same, because this is not that and that is not this.” It was a simple and kind way of saying of course it’s not the same because it’s not supposed to be. Keeping an open mind takes work, but practice helps.
Simplify what you can. During periods of change don’t be afraid to simplify your schedule, your gym routine, or anything else for that matter. Your body is wise in knowing you may need energy to adjust to changes happening, so to compensate it may try to conserve energy, leaving you feeling more lethargic, scattered or overwhelmed. It is okay to say “no” and it is okay to clear out your to-do list for the week. Ask for help with tasks, delegate chores or errands and put off things that don’t need to happen right away. Even small acts such as picking out your outfit the night before or meal prepping on Sunday can make your week much more simple during periods of change or transition.
Ground yourself. Stay home a bit more, eat warming or heavier foods (eating seasonal produce is helpful this time of year), seek comfort. Reflecting on what remains constant can ground you. If nothing else, you can focus on something as simple as the sun setting at night and rising in the morning to provide a sense of predictability and stability. Some simple yoga postures such as Childs pose or Mountain pose can provide a moment of grounding when you’re feeling scattered or disconnected.
If you look back on one year ago today you may notice that your life was a lot different. Just as in nature, people go through seasons too. Some of the changes that brought you to today may have happened gradually, while others may have been abrupt. You have survived every one of the changes you’ve gone through in your life, and they have imparted your brain and body with a lot of wisdom about how to adapt. If you turn inward and reflect, this wisdom is inside of you and is always accessible. Change can be hard and painful and fun and exciting, but it is necessary. Embrace the change and may the next season of your life bring you beautiful things.